We all have an idea of what love is. Many of us define it by what we see, hear and learn from other people. But how many of us know what healthy love is? The kind of love that never puts you down. The kind of love that can only better your life and never worsen it. The kind of love that helps you grow, build and succeed.
I would say that many don’t know that this love is what everyone should look for. This is the love that will make your life complete. This is the love that we all dream about, yet so many settle for a lesser love.
For the majority of my life I have been surrounded by people who have chosen to settle for something they call “Love.” Now that I am older, I can see through the bullshit. I know that what some of these people have considered to be love has really been an unhealthy infatuation with the idea of being in a relationship with a person who was no good for them. Why do so many people do this? What is it about unhealthy infatuation that keeps so many couples together even though they aren’t happy?
In Sex and the City the movie, Samantha tries to convince herself that her unhappy relationship is normal. She says “Relationships aren’t just about being happy. How often are you happy in your relationship?” Charlotte so beautifully responds, “Everyday. Well not all day every day but yes, every day.” This speaks volumes. If you are unhappy in your relationship more so or even equal to being happy in it, than it’s not healthy.
None of us should ever settle for someone who doesn’t contribute to our happiness. Being happy is one of the most sought after feelings in life. Who doesn’t want to feel joy? When you decide to spend your life with someone, it should be someone who brings out the best in you. And everyone’s best includes happiness.
I’m not saying that relationships should be easy. They take work, but the work shouldn’t feel like a burden. The work shouldn’t be one sided. The work should never drain your resources leaving you feeling empty. If love is hard, it’s not healthy love. There will be situations that arise during the length of a relationship that will be difficult, but the actual love that is shared between two people isn’t what becomes hard. Life gets hard, love does not.
So why do so many people put up with the emotional abuse they and their partner inflict on them? Some people are not taught about healthy love. Some do not love themselves so they don’t understand that they deserve more than what they’re getting. Some grow up around unhealthy relationships and have no positive love role models. Many ignore the signs that all point to a dangerous relationship. Many get married or have children with people they know are not “The One.” This creates ties that some are not willing to break. Feeling stuck is dangerous to your happiness.
What’s the answer? In my opinion the answer is more on the simple side… Stop trying to convince yourself that you love someone and that they love you. If it was healthy LOVE there wouldn’t need to be any convincing.
I write from experience. I write from the heart. I write when I’m inspired.
Love is my biggest inspiration.
I welcome your thoughts on this topic…