I am a believer in true love. For years I was a skeptic and after being on both sides I have realized a few things about what it takes to find that one person who you can SUCCESSFULLY share your life with. I believe in love, but I also believe in the stuff that imitates it. I think it exists more than real love does and I think too many of us fall for it.
Although I’m not some kind of “Love Expert” I have experienced the great, the good, the bad and the really ugly. I believe that I was one who learned from mistakes and incredible heart ache. To be honest, I think that’s half the battle. Learning from the bad relationships and knowing what you need, want and will give in a good relationship is important. Not repeating the past, taking time to look at yourself in the mirror and being able to admit what you’ve done wrong is pure bravery. Heart break is inevitable for most of us. I believe it’s needed in order to build a certain kind of “Love Character” that helps create a better YOU in later relationships. You figure out what it is that works for you and what will work when you are no longer just you.
A successful couple is defined as one that not only loves each other unconditionally, but one who has the understanding of what a great life looks like together and one that will do what it takes to make each other happy and content. Couples need to be on the same page when it comes to family, finances, goals and children. If you ignore any of these things at the beginning they come back to bite you later. We can’t expect people to change their views and values for us. Yes, it does happen, but please do not bank on it.
Here are a few of the things I’ve learned are important in making sure you find TRUE LOVE:
1. Establish what you want in a relationship. Not so much what you want in a man or woman. I never really made a list of the qualities I looked for in a partner but I definitely learned along the way, the ones I didn’t want. When I met my husband he wasn’t anything I thought I would find but he was exactly what I’d hoped for.
2. Know yourself and understand that you HAVE to be happy with who you are in order to ever be truly happy with someone else. We all have flaws and hang ups about ourselves. There are things we don’t like and that is normal. The happy I’m talking about goes deeper. Learning to accept the things we don’t necessarily like, but at the same time knowing that overall we are great human beings and we are designed to love and be loved, flaws and all.
3. Don’t look too hard. “Once you stop looking it finds you.” I’m not saying that you should close your eyes and keep your head down. I’m referring to the obsession of finding someone. For some reason when we are consumed with finding our love we miss out on so many other things in life. It’s almost as if looking creates a blindness. Set your life up the way you want it to be. The right person for you will come along and fit somewhat perfectly in it or you will create a new one together.
4. Believe in love but don’t over think it to death. Love is such a simple notion but such a complicated feeling. It can be confusing and exciting and terrifying and up lifting. It can change your perspective on the world and it might even change you. The key is to let it come naturally and to let the relationship develop without added pressure and stress. Once you meet someone who seems to be a possible contender, just let it be. Give it time. Have fun with them, learn with them, debate with them. Really get to know them. If it’s the right relationship, it will be clear. If there are too many doubts, then it’s not the right one. Real True Love doesn’t come with too many doubts.
5. Know what you deserve and NEVER settle for anything less. Don’t even entertain the idea of someone who doesn’t treat you with every bit of respect, love and loyalty that you deserve. And you must give it in return. A couple without trust and respect will NEVER be a successful couple. It just won’t happen.
6. Pay attention to RED FLAGS! This is something so many people choose to ignore. If someone wrongs you and you choose to stay, you are allowing a bit of disrespect into your relationship. If someone wrongs you on more than one occasion and you stay in that relationship, you have absolutely given up your power. You are now their pawn in a really messed up game. People make mistakes, YES, but not many. And just because your partner doesn’t yell at you or cheat on you, it doesn’t mean there isn’t disrespect when they ignore you or belittle you or make you feel insignificant. It’s just as bad. It’s the same thing wrapped in a different package. It’s not okay and YOU shouldn’t be okay with it. You will waste your time on this person only prolonging or completely eliminating the chance of finding the right one. Good partners will learn quickly that certain actions are not okay and if they really love you, those actions will never take place again. If it continues, THEY DO NOT TRULY LOVE YOU. And you don’t love yourself either.
7. Don’t complicate things! I’m talking about moving too quickly. Moving in together when there are any red flags. Having a baby before you really know who you are having a baby with. Introducing them to your family too early and building an attachment. Making a lasting commitment before you actually live life together. Don’t get too caught up in the good times forgetting that bad times will occur. If you don’t know how you will deal with real life together then you shouldn’t make any hasty decisions regarding your relationship. Good things come with time and experience. People change and it’s important to be confident in the fact that your partner won’t change into someone you don’t know when times get hard.
In order to find your TRUE love I think you need Self Love, Understanding and a lot of Luck! I wish that more people would waste less time with those who are obviously not for them. The arguments, the cheating, the family issues, the disrespect, the put downs, the loneliness and the continual pattern of passion, unhappiness, a good day, sadness, a few bad days and maybe some happiness in between is not TRUE love. Real love isn’t that complicated. Two people who truly love and respect each other do not have relationships filled with turmoil and sadness. Passion and True Love are two different things. They may exist together but they are not interchangeable.
To all those people who have dreamed of their perfect mate, don’t give up. Someone will fill that role. It may not be the exact way you saw it happening but who cares. Love is not predictable. Again set yourself up for a good life. Do right by others. Spend time doing things that make you happy. Don’t blame others for your short comings and open your eyes to the real reasons that past relationships have failed. Build and move forward.
Here’s to all the successful couples and to all of you that will find the person you truly love because you love yourself enough to seek out the right one.