It’s been a long time since I started on a not so fun journey. In January 2013 my husband and I decided we wanted to start our family. Who knew 2 years and 10 months later we would have failed horribly on our own and once so far with the help of great professionals and hormones. I haven’t written about this aspect of my life yet because I’ve battled back and forth with myself about whether or not I wanted to share it with everyone. I’ve talked about it with many but once I put something in writing it becomes really real.
Recently I’ve sat down with two friends who have struggled with infertility in their own ways. One who has a son and now another on the way and one who is going through IVF after not having any luck with IUI. Infertility shows itself in different ways. We’ve talked about the lack of people who share stories like this and/or the over abundance of negative stories on blogs that surround the process of trying to overcome infertility. So after some consideration and some emotional turmoil in the last few days I decided to put it in words. It will be real and in the end this will stay positive. Because there’s just no use in continuing to be negative about it.
I consider myself to be intelligent, rational and one who overcomes tragic life events. So that side of me is trying hard to keep all of this in perspective. The other side of me gets my hopes up, is a sucker for happily ever after and really wants to be a mom. That side of me is really struggling with life at this moment. I’m tired of waiting and I’m tired of being the one who waits while everyone else gets what I so desperately want. That’s life right? Not everything always works out the way you want it to… But it doesn’t make it any less shitty!
So almost 3 years later we’ve decided to move onto the next step. We started at HRC Fertility in September. We have had all kinds of tests done, none in which show anything wrong with either one of us. So the doctor decides IUI, or intrauterine insemination, is the best option for us as we move forward. We’re both very healthy and our reproductive parts are working just fine. Unexplained infertility is the issue but we’re not really sure if there is an issue? It doesn’t really even make sense! So on day 3 of my period I started Clomid for 5 days. Then the following Monday I had another ultrasound which showed my ovaries reacting well to the meds. Tuesday I got a shot in the stomach of HCG and on Wednesday I went in for the first of two inseminations. In a future blog post I’ll talk about that day and what I went through physically, but more importantly, mentally. Fast forward two weeks later and I’m staring at another negative pregnancy test. Am I surprised? No. Am I disappointed? Yes.
So now I wait for day 3 of my period and for this whole process to start all over again. Although I’m very aware that my body failed me for that last few years, I really had hope that this IUI would have magically worked… Hence “I Underestimated Infertility.” But I’ll put on my positive panties and we’ll try this again. As my husband said “Our lives are so great already and a baby will be an awesome addition but it won’t make or break the wonderful life we’ll have together.” With perspective and some help I’m still hopeful that this will work for us someday.
P.s. This blog is not geared towards infertility. It’s not really focused on one specific topic at all. It’s complied of stories, experiences and advice from my life. I’m an almost 30 year old, passionate, dream chasing woman who is always looking for the bright side even though I can’t always find it. Infertility is a part of me but it is just one of many things that consume my life right now. I hope you find something here that helps you, interests you or makes you want to share. And please, if you have something positive to say about your infertility journey please share. We need all the positivity we can get.